I canceled my mobile phone contract with Orange the other day. It's been a seven year relationship that I've spent a lot of money maintaining. You don't notice these things when they work as they should but you sure as hell notice them when they don't. With Orange it was the way calls were dropped on walking into the kitchen at my last but one house, the way calls could only be made squeezing up against the window in the next place, the complete dead spot extending for three blocks in the centre of town, the inability to make calls from inside some buildings and the total lack of reception at my parents house and at Cindy's parents house.

No amount of two-for-one cinema tickets on a Wednesday makes up for the service I'm actually paying for not working as advertised despite what the reception map on their website may claim. Why did I stick with them for so long? Well, I swear they were better back-in-the-day but everyone says that about everything. The real reason was inertia. Come contract renewal time they wouldn't seem that bad and at one time you really did want to be on the same network as your friends to keep your bill to something approaching manageable. That was how I ended up on an 18 month contract with a new phone; very popular for holding onto customers, especially when that phone starts to behave oddly after a year and you need a new one.

The final straw with Orange was when I started receiving texts informing me that they'd checked my bill and that I was on the 'right tariff'. I've used my phone a lot less in the past year. In fact on my last bill I'd used about 75 minutes out of the 500 allowed. Not really the right tariff for me.

I was even more pleased with my decision after seeing the new advert featuring Snoop Dogg at the cinema; Orange 'ironically' playing the squares to the 'highly credible' rapper who once claimed to have been a pimp. On his appearance at the 2003 MTV awards:

"I was flexin' my pimp muscle and lettin' people see how real pimps do it," he says. "If you really a pimp, you should be able to get two bitches to walk on a leash with you down the red carpet and be yo ho's for the night."

Nice one Orange. I struggled on and finally realised that what I actually want from my mobile phone is the ability to make and receive calls and send texts cheaply. I do not care about taking photos, making videos, sending multimedia messages, video chat, games, web browsing, listening to MP3s or any of the other myriad functions that mobile phones do badly and for which if I really want to do any of those things I actually have something designed for the express purpose. My ideal phone would remain on standby for weeks at a time, come with a booster aerial for those times when you're in reception no-man's land and would serve as a broadband connection for my Mac when so required.

As it is I've ditched Orange for an O2 Simplicity SIM card. For £15 I reckon this will cover all the speaking and texting I'm going to need to do and I can call other O2 phones for free, which is simply a reason for me to encourage my friends to switch (unlike Orange's add-one-number-every-six-months 'incentive'). I've bought a pay-as-you-go phone and popped the SIM in that. It works out cheaper than any comparable contract and I only have to give a month's notice so I don't feel trapped into throwing money away for the forseeable future.

I rang Orange customer services to request a PAC so I could keep my number. The conversation went something like this:

Me: "I'd like a PAC please."
Orange: "Are you leaving Orange."
Me: "Yes I am."
Orange: "Which network are you going to?"
Me: "O2."
Orange: "Can I ask why?"
Me: "You're incredibly uncompetitive."
Orange: "We'll send your PAC out in the next few days."

It seems like even they acknowledge they're useless. Seven years. And that was that.

Adam tipped me off to a viral advert from Lynx (known as Axe in the States), a deodorant for men. The main advert is pretty simple and follows the pattern of their previous campaigns. Lynx launch a new 'fragrance' with a new name, e.g. 'Dark Temptation' and support it with an advertising campaign that features stereotypically attractive women (bearing in mind the target audience) being unable to control themselves once they catch a whiff. This is a sexual loss of control of course, though if you actually smelt the product you might have trouble controlling your gag reflex.

It's a simple idea but wrong on so many levels. The adverts are meant to come across as a bit cheeky; just a bit of fun. The subtext is pretty sickening. It's focused around sex and the implication is that all women 'want it' but in the context of a stereotypically male attitude. But wait! They've tried to make it a bit clever in that the women are the predators and the generic 'everyman' who gets leapt on is frequently surprised by the attention. The new campaign is the nadir of this. Here's a quote from their website:

"Chocolate has unbeatable power when it comes to getting in there with girls, which is why Lynx has launched Dark Temptation."

Smell like chocolate. Get girls to want to have sex with you. Genius. Of course no one actually believes this is going to happen so in the eyes of the advertisers it makes it okay, we're meant to laugh along with the joke. The picture of male / female relations they portray isn't funny though, it's actually hideously insulting.

This brings us on to the part I'm interested in, which is their use of, what they hope, will be a viral campaign to support the adverts. You might think if they had faith in the product working as advertised they'd simply film one average bloke doused in the stuff walking down the street. What they've actually done is 'secretly' filmed someone behaving in a disingenuous way towards random women by chatting them up using chocolate as a hook.

The agency behind this campaign has placed these videos on YouTube and allowed comments. I duly did comment and was not altogether surprised to then find my comment had been removed. This is a classic example of how agencies just do not 'get' how this stuff works and see the web as just another 'channel'. They're content to plaster their inanity against our eyeballs on television, on billboards, in print, at the cinema where we have no comeback. The rules on the web are different and if you break them then expect to get called on it.

There is no disclaimer on the video stating that they only want positive comments from certain types of people. They know that this wouldn't be acceptable so instead they are censoring comments they'd rather that other people viewing the video didn't see. Why are they worried about people reading an opinion different from the one they want to promote? This a public space that they are utilising to advertise a product that are deliberately encouraging people to particpate with promoting; on the main Lynx website they are encouraging men to "get in there" by making videos with "your own chocolate based pulling tips".

If you ask people to participate then you are also inviting them to criticise what you're doing and offer their own opinions.

Further confirmation of how disingenuous this whole campaign is can be found when you consider that Unilever, who own the Lynx brand, also own Dove. With Dove they promote the 'campaign for real beauty', the very antithesis of the attitudes being portrayed in the Lynx adverts. Compare and contrast this advert for Axe (Lynx) from the United States and the Dove Onslaught advert. In the former the women are put on display in their underwear, in the latter the media is criticised for its portrayal of women in a sexually provocative way.

Unfortunately by highlighting this I'm giving all their advertising further oxygen. What we can do is to think about how these brands regard us as evidenced by their behaviour and act accordingly. As the Dove advert says:

"Talk to you daughter before the beauty industry does."

How about letting us talk amongst ourselves without being censored?